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Online Job Center for the Produce Industry, Agriculture and Food Industry
Quips and Quotes
“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” -Lily Tomlin
“I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.” -Bette Midler
“I used to be Snow White but I drifted.” -Mae West
“Deep down, I’m pretty superficial.” -Ava Gardner
“I’ve been on a calendar - but I’ve never been on time! -Marilyn Monroe
“I just had my visa card stolen. Now it’s everywhere I want to be.” -Scott Wood
“A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.” -H. L. Menken
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers
Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence levels in both states. - Will Rogers Macho doesn't
prove mucho. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family." - Jerry Seinfeld Suppose you were an idiot... And
suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell
for the company. You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours. - Yogi Berra
Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical
You can observe a lot just by watching. --Yogi Berra
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of
that comes from bad judgment. The trouble with some women is that
they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him. I was so poor growing up ... if I
wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with. My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The
other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a
mistake. Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a
friend's forehead. First secure an independent income, then practice
virtue. There is no need to fasten a bell to a fool Rast ich, so rost ich (When I rest, I rust.) The torch of love is lit in the kitchen. Talk doesn't cook rice. Fish or cut bait
We're all in this alone.
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments
would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.
"The way I see it, if you
want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
"How much more grievous
are the consequences of anger than the causes of it."
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then
when I die I want to go where they went."
"If you pick up a starving dog and make
him
"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun
than you can with a kind word alone."
"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label." -Mark Twain
"The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form." -Stanley J. Randall
"One fifth of the people are against everything all the time." --Robert Kennedy
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." Abraham Lincoln
"It's not me who can't keep a secret - it's the people I tell that can't." Abraham Lincoln
"The
average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
Everybody's
got a plan - until he gets hit. An
optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience. Ever
notice that "what the hell" is always the right decision? The
metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the
increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. "Choose
a job you love,
"If
opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
"One
person with courage makes a majority."
"The
person who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.
"In
any moment of decision,
"Excellence
is to do a common thing in an uncommon way."
"All our dreams can come true- -if
we have the courage to pursue them."
"There
is a way to do it better...find it."
"The
greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand,
"There
are so many things you can learn about.
"Experience
is not what happens to a man.
"No
one gets very far
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. Milton Berle
I've
always thought and said Farmers are the smartest people in the world. They
don't go for high hats and they can spot a phony a mile off.
It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up. Vince Lombardi
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill You
miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. First-rate
men hire first-rate men; second-rate men hire third-rate men. What
you want is not necessarily what you need. Common
sense is not so common. There
are five stages to an actor's career: who is Herschel Bernardi? get me Herschel
Bernardi; get me a Herschel Bernardi type; get me a young Herschel Bernardi; and
who is Herschel Bernardi? In
a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say
than anyone else is. I
started out with nothing and still have most of it left. In
Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait. If
everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. The
idea is to die young as late as possible. Nothing
succeeds like the appearance of success. Half
of the American people never read a newspaper. Half never voted for president.
One hopes it is the same half. Adults
are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are
looking for ideas. No
change of circumstances can repair a defect of character. The
only disability in life is a bad attitude. We
spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. The
man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 30 has wasted 20 years of
his life. Almost
everything you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do
it. When
people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are. I
don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. There
is still no cure for the common birthday. Living
in the lap of luxury isn't bad, except that you never know when luxury is going
to stand up. Human
beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. Spring
is nature's way of saying "Let's party!" The
embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is out-grossing my films. If
dogs talked, one of them would be president by now. Everybody likes dogs. There
are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out. That
old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. Sometimes
at the end of the day when I'm smiling and shaking hands, I want to kick them. Being
president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to
stand there and take it. We
are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. The
President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep. You
do not lead by hitting people over the head. That's assault, not leadership. They
misunderestimated me. Ability
is nothing without opportunity. One
of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up
being governed by your inferiors. Once
a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. Happiness
is good health and a bad memory. There
was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to
everybody. It
ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. When
the rich make war it's the poor that die. The
road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I
think, therefore I'm single. Glory
is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. Everything
I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for. Dew
knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes. Pioneering
basically amounts to finding new and more horrible ways to die. I
believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that
money can buy. Insignificant
events can take on monumental proportions when your head is full of practically
nothing. The
most valuable of all talents is never using two words when one will do. What
this country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. One
Today is worth two Tomorrows. I
saw the new Italian navy. Its boats have glass bottoms so they can see the old
Italian navy. We
have the power to do any damn fool thing we want to do, and we seem to do it
about every ten minutes. Principles
have no real force except when one is well fed. Execute
every act of thy life as though it were thy last. Dig
the well before you are thirsty. If
you want your children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility
on their shoulders. It's
never too late to become what you might have been. "Intern"
is French for "slave." Food
is an important part of a balanced diet. In
the case of many poets, the most important thing for them to do is to write as
little as possible. Love
is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. If
you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth
it. Where
boasting ends, there dignity begins. You
can be young without money but you can't be old without it. I'd
rather be dead than singing "Satisfaction" when I'm forty-five. What
happens if an asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations
involving a sledgehammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be
pretty bad. Everything
you can imagine is real. Don't
make me come down there. - God I
don't question your existence. - God School.
I need to be there. – God Billboard
Be nice, or I'll make the traffic worse. - God Billboard I'm
a polyatheist - there are many gods I don't believe in. If
you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you
have learned how to live. When
a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him
sit on a hot stove for a minute-and it's longer than any hour. That's
relativity. Since
the mathematicians have attacked the relativity theory, I myself no longer
understand it. Each
of us visits this Earth involuntarily, and without an invitation. For me, it is
enough to wonder at the secrets. The
greatest danger in communication is the illusion it has been achieved. Unhappiness
is the ultimate form of self-indulgence. A
radical is a man with both feet planted firmly in the air. If
you think education is expensive, try ignorance. If
we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? Time
flies when you're on Prozac. At
50 everyone has the face he deserves. I
gotta be me. So
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